He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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