u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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