You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
