Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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