And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
