"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
