you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
