first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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