I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize