your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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