maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No subtext here. People are naked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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