remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
