Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
