Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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