if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
