the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize