That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
