Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
