I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
