dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
