Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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