So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
