He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
