So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
