hotel room ftw
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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