she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
