It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Even my vagina gasped.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
