I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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