He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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