He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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