; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize