Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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