The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
