dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
