i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
