Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
tell me about the eggs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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