I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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