So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
