I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
