You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
