WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
