how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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