you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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