No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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