there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
