Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
