Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
