Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
