The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
