like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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