Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize