Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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