I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
