there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My ass is underappreciated
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
