You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
