My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
