the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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