Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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