Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
