Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
